Backbone issue again…

Well as anyone around me would have now known I have many concerns about my job. Being tempted repeatedly about sending my “last warning letter” to the company by the progressing stress level is really getting into me. It feels like I had put in my best effort yet being stepped all over it and thrown into the dustbin.

The thing is that I had not even send my “counselling letter” and any of the “warning letter”, I had now considering giving my “last warning letter”. This makes up the whole no backbone matter while throughout this I do not have the guts in enough to stand up for myself.

And here comes my last draw, when I was told that I was required to go back to work when I was already very convinced that I was on leave… And of cos I had to turn down and continue to put myself on leave.

And so it had become a hurling of long smses sending back and forth between my manager and myself, like this:

Manager: Ash, pls explain why u take urgent leave as u told me that union cxl n u didnt ask me 2 put u on leave as i’m on leave which i told u it is good as i’ve enough people. We hv heavy arr 60 rms on mon 15. Pls come bak 2 work if not ur friends r suffer ’cause need 2 work bak 2 bak badly. Thks.

Me: Well initially it was already a requested leave which was later changed to union leave. Even without union i needed to be off from work. I figured you wld have put me back on leave but it was not the case. I also did mention tat i wld see you nxt friday last week on thurs so i presume you’ve heard and understood i have been placed on leave as did earlier. If i could come back to work i would. however i was very convinced that i’m on leave and have made plans which are already part of my obligation now. It would not be possible to terminate my plans now. I’m sorry tat they wld need to do back to back. I seek for your understanding.

Manager: I talked 2 u on wed when i know that union is 4 next month. I’ve told u that it is good that i can cxl it as i’m on leave n u think i would know that if u not go union, then u wil go on leave when u not telling me during our conversation!

Me: The conversation did not happen with you telling me that it was good you have it cancelled. The last thing was jus me informing you that they have changed the dates. Since it was not made known to me, i suppose any new changes to the schedule should be made clear to me because the fact tat i have first requested the leave was effective.

Manager: I understand tat union is important n without paper support i stil honor 2 put it but when it change, u need 2 info me as i did roster 4 all of us not just remember only u. U think i can remember ur leave after change fr one 2 another. U hv 2 chk ur roster not presuming as no one key in d e-leave yet, so roster can amened accordingly 2 occ as u aware,right. Whee I try not 2 change or kajiao anyone but ur 2 colleagues stil working til 3am n start work at 7am n need 2 change off day.if i’m in s’pore, ofcourse i’l go right away. However thing happened,so its lesson learn

I did not reply subsequently because what she had replied back had become all irrelavant. The lesson learnt was not about just making sure that she hear me right but also me standing up for myself. I could not have successfully typed out these smses without my dear brother’s help.

In the name of the Lord, I pray for wisdom, strength and backbone! I would stand up like a warrior. I will overcome these by the faith I have in my father! Keep me safe in this crazy world!

Keeping on time…

I have this huge problem with time. I super hate being late and hate people who are frequently horrendously late (which is like pass 15mins late) however this does not apply to people at my home. I expect them to be almost close the time sharp or latest 5mins after which is my max, cos if they are going to be late, I will also be LATE! It’s fine for them to be late but if they drag me down with lateness, they will so get it. Then one will definately see me going crazy with anger once pass my limit.

Let me clarify this: “I do not have an anger issue” and it’s always short & sweet. However, today someone has decided to step on my “toe nails” and aggravate my anger allowing it to combust into flames.

When it comes to time, it comes to patience as well. Naturally, I have problems with the patience too. Took a taxi ride with a toopid driver who not only doesnt know his way around Pasir Ris but also make a few attempts to purposefully slow down for the traffic light to turn red. Crawling heartlessly for more money in my already very broke wallet. Almost make me want to kick his seat, scream at him and demand to not pay for the taxi… However, my dear sister is right again. I’m too nice to do that (actually too gutless). *sigh* God please give me backbone! *sigh*

Time creeps on away…

It’s been so fast that time has fly. 1 month plus to reach my 2nd year in the job. This journey has been both interesting and draining at the same time. Am really grateful that I’m in a job of my passion, but I feel like it is slowly burning away from me… A number of factors:

1. I could never recognize the “ang mos”, they all look the same to me!! So got commented how I could never greet the guest whom I checked in by names. Imagine if I end up marrying an angmo, I’ll never recognize which is him if he decided to stand in the mist of a million angmo(s).

2. The people whom I know that thinks I could do/make it, is no longer in the company.

3. Feels like I’m making mistakes all the time. And that all faults are mine. If only I can fly. I’m only human, I can only do so much thing at a time.I can’t have already checked 12 rooms, block the rooms, help reception c/i & c/o when they are busy, checked-in 5-6 VIP guests, do follow up, answer all the approaching guest enquiries and finish the preparing the registration cards of the VIPs for the whole day in a short period of time all by MYSELF. Wait was I also not suppose to move away from the area near the desk?! (pls make me a super woman!)

Starts to think through and read John 13:3-15 yesterday. The passage that sparks off and fuel my passion to serving people. I was reminded once again, that having a servanthood heart = loving people. I want to daily serving people, making them feel unique, special and loved!! But the environment is eating up inside of me.

By FAITH I call forth the name of my Father, to see me through this season. A season that needs all the faith I can gather…

Things that ticks (us) off!

I was just reminded how I had saw one of my colleague got super irritated just because someone was playing with that stressball at the back office by throwing them around and accidentally hitted her twice. I thought the reaction was to big for such a small thing. One could easily laugh it off. I personally would… laugh it off.

What reminded me was this:

I had pre-planned to go out with X after work. With excitement and joy after I got knocked off from work, I tried to rush to meet X. Just when I reached, X was talking to someone else whom is planning to ask him/her out to “study”. And X said to the person on the phone, “I don’t know. Anything.” subsquently pass the phone to me expecting me to say “oh! I’m not studying anymore, but I can go also (and be a statue?!)” but of cos I said, “go on ahead then, I’ll just stay home”.

How could one say “anything” to another person, knowing that he/she has already had a plan to meet up with somebody else? And that got me up and burning. Worst when X try to claim that he/she is right in the situation, that saying “anything” doesnt means “yes” (ok fine! then it means lazy. lazy to reject the friend) and that I was acting pitiful.

I think thru and tot maybe I was “小题大做” and that I got angry too easily. But it’s not the case. How could I just laugh it off? It’s not even a laughing matter. What’s with the rushing then? All but waste. I should have just take my time and cannot be bothered just like the person did.

Still pissed after spending 30mins typing and editing this. ARGHHhhhh!!

I’m so bored!

I’m so bored, so bored, so bored, so bored, so bored.

It’s so farnie, how when we’re away from work we feel like working and when we’re at work we feel like going home. I have nothing to do at all today and I’m self declared bankrupt.

And now when I feel like getting myself out of my house for a short run, the sky turns dark on me. And the rain is getting ready to fall, the wind already blowing towards my window impatiently so that it could blow the coming raindrops into my room.

I should have allow myself to sleep somemore and probably wake up at 3pm then I will not feel like I have so many more hours to pass. But now it’s too late. I can’t get myself to fall asleep again.

(random tots) It’s Tuesday! I need to get myself to Gelare to grab the waffle at discount. COS I’M SO BORED!!

I have surfed all my daily boreds webbie and now I’m out of things to surf. Anyone has good recommendations? Maybe I should go to my home desktop and train on dota and that probably helps to kill at least an hour. (hopefully I survived)

Still waiting for my sister to reply my sms. Maybe can “ka jiao” her after her work. COS I’M SO BORED!!

Bad thing about shift work, like now… I’m off, people are working… So no more ppl to entertain me. Need to start find things to fill up these empty time. *oohhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*

饥渴的心

爱你，大家写了那么多首歌
哼着你的旋律，多么爱着你的呢
我还在这儿，不知所措
不知我到底要写什么
你等于爱，我等于贫穷
我那饥渴的心，为何无法完全感受你的爱
我那肮脏的心灵，为何还感受不到你的洁净
可以告诉我应该还要这么做
才可以在听到你爱我的呼唤
我要尽心、尽性、尽意爱着你
将我一生的一些交给你
交换你的爱，丰满我心里的洞
这样我能听到你爱我的呼唤吗？
这样我能安心的感受你的存在吗？

boringly Surfed on daily…

Things I surfed Online everyday…

Top left hand: Gmail
Top right hand: Facebook
Bottom left hand: Twitter
Bottom right hand: Tudou

Bite the Bullet

Pressure is extremely high pass few weeks at work. I had enjoyed that 4days off away from work so much that it had been a drag to get back to work. Glad that I like my job enough to not still feel the drag being at work. So here I’m biting the bullet so hard that I think my jaw is going to split open into two.

I applying PGSM to complete my degree. Hopefully, by then I could apply for I-Grad. (politically correct) Make myself more useful for the society (but like as if I really cared). It’s so cool to have the school right opposite my workplace. I could spend like the few hrs in between to sleep at the locker room before going for classes… A prefecto set-up.

How do you take picture “secretly”?

A Funky Hair!

I was on the train yesterday going to work. Everyday, I have a storybook on hand and I’ll suck myself into the book until I reach, *ting-tong* Bugis. But however, I was distracted by the funky hair advertisment in front of me… Even more so when a bald uncle sat just right infront of it make it so funny that I can’t help but want to take a shot of him.

So this is how I do it:
1. Look at the phone as if there is a message coming in and placed it’s on the camera mode.
2. Lift up the phone and placed it under my chin while looking away like as if I was thinking what to type to return message.
3. Take the photo.
4. *Ta da!* Bring it down and look at the cool photo I just took.

I’m sucha Genius!!

AWARE Saga: Homosexuality

It’s so demoralizing to hear about all the Sagas about the new exco members of AWARE (Association of Women for Action and Research) forcing their way through to set their morals and standards on others. It makes it worst when they had been using God’s name in vain.

Pastor How at Heart of God Church (the church I’m attending right now) just preached about “7 Things I Hate about Christianity”, one of which talks about us being “anti-homosexual”. And these sagas makes it even more prominent, saddens me. Not that I’m pro-homosexual but however, God does gave us men the freedom to choose what we want to be. Instead of kicking them aside and not settling the increasing homosexual issues does in fact makes it all worst.

I have been working in F&Bs and Hotels (one of a common industry for homos) and there is definitely a fast rising on prone homosexuality in our country. In fact, one of the famous coffee chains in Singapore are already teeming with them.

Tell me which Homosexual loves to go around telling people they are not straight? Like as if they have not been an outcast or rejects enough. Shouldn’t we being in a new century stands up and shower more care and concern for these people. Didn’t Jesus came down to earth for the same reason, to saves the un-save, to love the unlovable? If we don’t love them, who will? Who else can they turn to if we don’t open up ourselves to them? They could only turn to their fellow homos! (which for the obvious, doesn’t even help resolving the rising issue)

So please Dr Thio, don’t hurt them anymore. They have enough pain and burden to bear! You do not have to be more verbal about how rejected they already are! Even if it’s true that the “old guards” are pro-homosexual, shouldn’t one make small changes at a time instead putting yourself upfront pointing fingers at them?

Humans are naturally rebelious, people refuse and will not be change under harsh circumstances. They could only act and look like as if they are… changed.

We , humans can only be moved or touched by care, love, concern and affections….